Personal Troubles

10 April, 2016

Dear Phyllis,

It is with the greatest reluctance that I compose this letter. Dirty laundry is not honoring to Christ. As much as possible I have tried to avoid telling negative personal stories. But in the interest of honesty I feel constrained to write a frank letter.

Before I was saved I strongly believed it was impossible to live a morally pure life. Johnny Gilman told me Jesus would change me if I would let him. To prove he was wrong I said I would give it a shot and he won the argument. The fact that He has kept me morally straight for 59 is one of the greatest proofs of the new-birth that I know. It is 100% to the credit of Jesus that I can testify that I have lived in the Orient for 58 years and the only women I have kissed is my wife, my mother, and my sister. And for 33 of those years I have lived as a single man. In commenting on the dangerous ministry of Bible smuggling Richard Wurmbrand said, “We must accept that there will be moral failures. Due to the unusual circumstances of the work, men and women will be forced in compromising positions and there will be failures.” Before I left Japan to go to SEA to engage in this ministry I set standards for myself where I said I would never allow myself to get in those situations. Seventeen years later it is blood chilling to think of the horrific spots of temptations I have been in. But Jesus has been faithful.

After Rosemary left me to terminate our marriage there were a few occasions when I met sisters that looked positive that the Lord was leading me to marry them. But all fell though. Five years ago a brother asked me if I was interested in meeting a sister for the possibility of a marriage. I said, “Not really, but I will be willing to get a meal out of it.” He knew a Thai sister who had been praying for a husband and had had a dream that she married a man with cowboy boots and a hat. She asked Larry if he knew of anyone like that. Larry told her that Bill Cook was the only cowboy he knew and Larry spoke to me. When I first met Pammy she was 100% convinced that I was the man she had asked the Lord for. She said she wanted to marry an older missionary and preferably an American. It would be nice if he was a pilot and she would accept anyone up to 75 years old. And then she had the dream about the cowboy. When she met me I was exactly what she had prayed for. She was convinced but I wasn't. I said, “No thank you”. But I was amazed how the Lord just kept changing my mind. At last as an act of o bedience to the Lord I said I would marry her. There were no hormones or romance in it at all.

At first I told her it was impossible for us to be married. I said we were two people walking along our respective road of life with a broad river between us. I said, “To have a successful Christian marriage someone would have to give up their life and cross that river to walk with the other mate.” In a Christian marriage the Bible requires that it would be her. And I said, “You can't do it.” She protested, “Yes I can.” I was right. She had been a lady pastor and I told her, “You marry me your days as pastor are over. The Bible forbids women pastors (1 Cor. 14:34,35; Tim. 2:11,12; Eph. 5:22-24; 1 Pet. 3:1).

After we were married it proved to be a very bumpy road. There were unbelievable problems. At one point I put her out and sent her back to her home in Lampan. But she had such a marvelous attitude, after six weeks I gave a green light for her to come back. Since then she has done commendably well. She proved herself in ways that I thought were impossible.

But 16 months ago she and Pastor Kichikun that we were working with had a problem. He preached a hot message on false prophets that I thought was very good but I was stunned the next week to learn that she was the point of his message. After that I encouraged her not to go to that church again, but I stayed on for a few more months. About that time Pammy had led a number of people to Christ and wanted to start her own church. I put down my foot but said I had no objection to her going to their house to teach them Bible. She did that for a couple of weeks but then got put out by unbelievers in that house. Of necessity I reluctantly said, “Okay you can meet with them at our house.” That started the Philadelphia Home Church. I never authorized it but neither did I forbid it. Six months ago I said I would work with her and be the pastor of the church. But that didn't work out and for the past two months no one came.

Three weeks ago Pammy returned to Lampan to see a couple of doctors. She came back with a glowing report about how encouraging it looked to start a new church down there. I wasn't impressed. While she was gone I took down the sign for the Philadelphia Home Church and explained to her why I did it. At first she didn't say anything but then one night she was angry and demanded, “Who gave you the authority to take that sign down?” I retorted, “Who gave you the authority to put it up?” A few days later she went back to Lampan and sent me an email on what a wonderful opportunity we had to start a new church in Lampan and she more or less expected that I would join her. The Lord had been working in her family. Both of her parents were dead but her three sisters were moving towards the Lord. Her older sister had been saved at our house two years before and her husband had recently come around. And two other sister were looking much more encouraging.

When she sent me that email telling how the Lord had lead her to return to Lampan to start a new work. I said in my heart, “Jesus hasn't said a thing about that to me.” I had originally left Japan to go to SEA to do Bible logistic work in taking Bibles to the underground believers in Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, China, and Burma. Two years ago that ministry had closed down for me. I have never got the Thai language and I had no ministry preaching anywhere. A year ago I gave away all my tools as Pammy couldn't handle the dust in my shop. For a year I have felt like the Lord had taken me off His team and relegated me to sitting on the left end of the bench cheering those who were actively playing the game on the field. I said I would never retire but at this point it felt like the Lord had fired me. I still had my wife, but if she wanted to do her own thing I won't stop her. If someone does not want to follow Jesus He will not force them to do so. Neither will I. If my wife does not want to follow me but strikes out on her own to start a new church she is at liberty to do so. But I am out of here. That is where I return to the states. It is with tremendous pain that I take down the flag to leave Thailand. I am not renouncing my marriage. Five tears ago I made a vow to the Lord to be her husband. I have every intention of keeping it, but if my presence is a hindrance to keep Pammy from serving Jesus then I feel I should step aside and allow her to do what she wants to serve Him.

One thing I did not anticipate was Singha and the kindergarten. When I told him I was leaving he cried. He later told me that both he and his wife nearly cried themselves to sleep that night and he wrote that the children cried when they learned I was gone. I didn't tell Pammy that I was leaving. I left a note on the island in the kitchen telling her that I had left for America. She wrote me and asked, “Why didn't you wait for me?” I have no idea what is in front of me. I tried to get a round trip plane ticket but couldn't for the cheap flight that I had. Singha asked me, “Do you want to go to America?” I replied, “No. Thailand is my home, but I feel the Lord has closed me down here.” I have an unbelievable arrangement for the house I have lived in for the past 12 years. I pay $100 a month and the landlord has promised never to raise the rent. It would be impossible to find another house like that. It is in one of the best locations in Chiang Mai. I have fixed it up like a dream and the rent for anything there is four and five times more expensive. Hopefully I would like to keep the rent up for a while. I want to go back to Thailand. If Pammy feels the Lord would have her recommit herself to the wedding vow she made five years ago – but never really fulfilled – I would be delighted to go back to Chiang Mai to be her husband and teach at the kindergarten. That is the only thing I am leaving behind.

I have a totally blank sheet of paper in front of me. I am staying with my niece and her husband, Phil and Pam Gill, in Granada Hills, just north of LA. I cannot stay here indefinitely but have no invitation to go anywhere else. There are a number of dear friends I would like to see. If anyone would send me an email I would be delighted to put that on the paper and schedule a visit. I have no idea how long I will be in the states, or whether or not I will return to Thailand. I have no home here. My home for 58 years has been in the Orient, but if Jesus is through with me then I will accept my exile here until I can get an exit visa to get off the planet. Should the Lord provide I would love to go to Pakistan. That has been much on my heart for several years.

There us much pain in my heart at the moment. But this situation isn't too bad. Jesus will be here soon. He has promised me a home in heaven and until I can move in there, I do want to give it all my strength in lifting up our worthy, worthy, worthy Lord Jesus. It would be great to see you again and hug your neck one more time before we get out harps.

Looking unto Jesus,

                                               bill

Don't Hide Jesus

3 April 2016

Dear Phyllis,

Things were looking very bleak for John. He was close to 90 years old. They had been preaching the Gospel for nearly 60 years. It started off real good but after 30 years intense persecution got the upper hand, false teachers were polluting the church and Jesus hadn't come back yet. The worst thing happened when he got exiled to the lonely island of Patmos and there was no warm fellowship. He didn't even have e-mail. But he was in the Spirit on the Lord's day when he heard a Voice speaking behind him. The reason the Voice was behind him was that he was looking the wrong way. But when he turned to see the Voice what he saw was the Candle Sticks. The Candle Sticks obviously is the Church. But in the midst of the Candle Sticks he did see Jesus.

Jesus well described this when He told us that the Kingdom of God would be like a treasure hidden in a field (Mt.13:44). I'm really not interested in farming. I don't care if it is 20 acres of bottom land top soil. I don't care what you can do with the field. And sometimes you can get a whole truck load of horse manure thrown in free. Hang the dirt. Hang the horse manure, I don't need it. But I sure am interested in the treasure that is hid there. Obviously the treasure is Jesus and the field is the Christian religion. The problem is that Jesus is hidden and sometimes He is hard to see in the field. It is highly significant that when John turned to see Who was speaking the thing that he saw first was the Church and then Jesus standing in the midst of the Church.

You know my favorite book in the Bible is the Song of Solomon. For many years I have been greatly puzzled by the way Jesus raves at the beauty of His Bride. For a long time I protested,”This can't be the Church. She doesn't look like this. The Church is disgusting. All I see are warts and scabs.” And as I studied what Jesus had to say about the Seven Churches I asked the Lord, “How in the world can You stand in the midst of that? I would get out of that church right now.” No one should be a member of an immoral idolatrous, dead, prosperity gospel outfit like, Pergamos, Thyatira, Sardis, and – worst of all – Laodicea. Even Jesus said the church in Laodicea made Him sick to His stomach. 

My goodness that prosperity gospel is diametric to everything Jesus ever taught and the central teaching of the New Testament. They not only glory in their luxurious living but preach that this is the Gospel of Christ. How can Jesus say that this is His Bride? Then I noticed one word that is added to all seven churches. Overcomers. “He that overcometh...” And I saw the bottom line in Rev. 21:7 where the Lord says, “He that OVERCOMETH shall inherit all things; and I will be his God and he shall be My son”. That is the Church. It is not that half-saved, backslidden, worldly, self-serving gang that call themselves Christian, but it is the hidden overcomers. That is the real church and in very reality that is where Jesus is living. Jesus is the hid treasure in the field of dirt.

In 1996 when I went back to America to be with Rosemary I was shocked at what had happened to her home church. Thirty years before then the Burley Bible Church had been one of the best I had been in. Oh my goodness, those people were fantastic. But the church had gone through two nasty church splits, three pastors and the donkey that was there then was a clown. I went to every service and for nine months I despaired of ever shaking hands with a true believer. Oh, there were a few of the old timers still around but the atmosphere of the place was ridiculous. Then my neighbor invited me to go with him to an early morning mens prayer meeting in Tacoma. Oh my goodness, did we have church! There were about eight or nine fellows from two or three churches who gathered together at 6:00 in the morning to seek the Lord. Man howdy, they were the real deal. One brother asked me if I would come to his church to speak, but his pastor didn't want me.

For fifteen years I was my great privilege to work with the underground church carrying Bibles into China, Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, and Burma. And I have had some contact with the church in Pakistan, Nepal, and India. May I tell you that the believers in those countries are much different than the ones you see on TV in the mega, prosperity gospel, Joel Olstein churches in America. But even in those places you will find the occasional believer who is the real deal. In 1990 when I was at Link Care we went to a large Baptist church in Fresno. It was so bad one time I had to excuse myself to go out side and sit in the car. But we did go to a Bible study one morning and heard some terrific testimonies. It has been my great privilege to know a number of Christ-centered, Christ-honoring, Christ-living Christians. But they are more or less hidden.

Miyako was my secretary for a couple of years. She had lived a most unfortunate life for many years. She had a good husband but ran around and dumped her son. But then when she was 40 she got saved. She was just like Jesus said, “She who has been forgiven much loves much (Lk. 7:47). I never met a person who loved the Lord more than Miyako. She would give her life for me. I never saw 1mm of self in her. Her entire life was devotion to others for Jesus sake.

Miyako had a good friend, Yumi chan who saw an add in the Christian Shimbun (newspaper) by a man looking for a Christian wife. Yumi chan called the fellow to see how old he was. He was too old for Yumi but she thought Miyako might be interested. Miyako did send the guy a letter and he said of the 35 replies he got from the add he liked Miyako's letter the best. I knew nothing about this until Miyako told me that she had a marriage hanashi (talk) going and wanted me to check the man out. He came to see me and he indeed had a bad background but seemed to be solidly saved and pretty straight with Jesus. I gave him a passing grade. A few weeks later when they got down to the bottom line the man honestly said, “Before you give me your answer whether or not you will marry me I want you to know that I have leukemia of and don't have long to live.” Miyako replied, “That is okay. Actually what I was looking for was a blind man or a cripple – someone that I could take care of. If you have leukemia that is all right.'” I was blown way. I never heard anything like it. They asked me to marry them and I said I would only do it after three in-depth session of counseling. The wedding was set for a Sunday after church and he was coming to Karuizawa on Saturday afternoon for counseling and a practice. But it was a national holiday. At 8:00 o'clock that evening he called from Takasaki saying he had been driving all day and had only gotten that far. It took him another four hours to cover 40 km and got to our house at midnight. He hadn't eaten all day, so while he was eating I started the counseling session. In passing I asked, “Will you promise you will never hit Miyako?” I was stunned when he frankly replied, “No”. I asked Miyako, “What will you do if you get clubbed?” She said, “I don't know. I have never been hit.” At 12:30 at night we were at an impasse. He would not back off and promise he would never hit her and she looked to me for the nod whether or not the marriage was on. He was straight on everything else. He would love his wife like Jesus loved the church, but he would not promise he wouldn't strike her. On the grounds that the Bible does not say, “Thou shalt not deck your wife”. I reluctant gave the nod and we had the wedding.

He was a rough one. The war started at the elevator in the hotel on their honey moon. We went on furlough shortly after the wedding and I never heard what happened. But Miyako put up with beating for three months and called it quits. She came to Karuizawa to talk to the Christian sister there. Takako Yamamoto listened to her for an hour and said, “You call yourself a Christian and can come up her to bad mouth your husband like that?” Miyako burst into tears, repented, and went back to faithfully serve her husband for 14 months and then saw him off to heaven. She was one of the most beautiful Christians I ever saw. Years later her first husband got saved and the last I saw of them were they were remarried faithfully serving the Lord together in their elderly years.

Miyako was the real deal. I agree with Jesus. She is exactly like what He describes in the Song of Solomon. I can see why the Lord loves His wife so much. I struggle with the rank and file of Christians I see around me. There is a lot of dirt in that field, but the hid treasure is there. It is Jesus and He is still standing in the midst of the Seven Candle Sticks. But the real church are the overcomers.

Oh, thank You Lord, 

                                   bill

PS: When you read this letter I will either be airborne or on the ground somewhere in LA. In four hours I will be on a plane leaving Thailand.